


Slang

by MisaTange



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Fluffy, Gen, Jervis is a troll, Or Is he?, either way he's a fucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 14:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21101324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisaTange/pseuds/MisaTange
Summary: Edward comes home battered and gets healed by Jervis Tetch, who has other plans.





	Slang

Edward staggered into his temporary home. His face was black and blue and blood was streaming down his face. He was panting, looking like he ran a marathon. He had ran away from the Batman, not unscathed, obviously, but this? This was better than being in Arkham. He had endured worse wounds anyway.

“My, oh my! It looks like you got the morbs, my dear Edward!” a voice said, carrying a tea set with him. It was his friend, Jervis Tetch. If you’d asked Edward why he was working with Jervis, he’d say, “It was a matter of practicality, you see: I admit he has some useful skills.” If you’d ask Jervis why he was working with Edward, he’d say something to the reasoning of loneliness and that rogues work better together.

Edward blinked. It took him a second, not believing that Jervis extended his Alice in Wonderland obsession beyond rhymes and quotes, just thinking that his obsession only involved him knowing both Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass front to back.

“Did you...” Edward started. “Did you just say Victorian English slang?” His face was inscrutable, lining between confusion and annoyance.

“Why are you so buck against my new way of speaking?” Jervis frowned.

“You are saying Victorian English slang!” Edward accused. “There’s a reason why we don’t speak like that anymore!” Not mentioning that some Victorian English slang is said today: “cheeky, chump”

Jervis pouted like a child. “I’m gonna bitch the pot,” Jervis said, Edward flinching at the word ‘bitch’. “Chamomile tea, you know. And bandages and stitches.”

Edward rolled his eyes, finally getting the help he so desired. He staggered towards the table spread much like the one in the Mad Tea Party, Jervis’s favorite chapter in his favorite book. The table was spread out with several tea kettles of various colors, both for necessity (as the Dark Knight liked breaking his tea sets as much as he liked squishing his hats before putting him into Arkham) and because he liked collecting tea kettles, as well as stale bread, forgotten since the last time he prepared the table like this, a rat biting into one of the breads Jervis baked.

“Come, come!” Jervis said, waving his hands over the breads so that the rat will be scared away. “Let’s chapper tea!” He gestured towards the other side of the tea table, running off to get a sewing kit once Edward got past where Alice would sit. He grimaced, but he learned from experience that it was better to indulge the Hatter rather than complain. He sat beside where the Mad Hatter would sit.

Quickly, he got the sewing kit and put it aside and placed a cup near Edward and poured tea, grinning as he did so.

“I’m chucked all of a heap! What happened to you, Edward?” he asked, beginning to fix up his wounds.

Edward’s expression stayed the same: if he looked or sounded too annoyed, Jervis can hurt as well as heal.

“You know why,” Edward explained. “The Batman can sure pack a punch. He solved my riddle, but so far only that one.” He’d spoken as if the Batman hasn’t solved any more of his riddles.  
  
“Well, given the circs, you tried what you could,” Jervis assured Edward. “You're still knockered on the front door with most of the Gotham citizens, am I right?”

Edward’s face turned incredulous. “What does that even me-ow-ow-ow...” he brushed his eye with his other hand, Jervis giving a warning to just go along with whatever this was.

His volume lowered. “I just don’t understand what that means, Jervis,” he said.

Jervis gave a grin, as if he didn’t hurt his friend. “’Knockered on the front door’ means ‘to achieve respectability,’” he explained.

Edward’s expression eased. He had no idea why Jervis was doing this. Certainly it meant more than expanding his knowledge of Alice in Wonderland to include the slang that people spoke when it was first released. Or maybe it certainly just meant that: Alice in Wonderland does use turns of phrases and logic that were only used during that time to the point where certain editions of the book are required to understand it within the context of the time: Martin Gardner’s Annotated Alice comes to mind. Edward also made sure he had this book (and the one that explained Through the Looking Glass as well) to understand Jervis-speak.

Or maybe it was a power trip. Here, Jervis dominated the conversations, speaking in a language that only he could understand. Well, with Jervis, he always spoke in a language few could understand, but you could always ignore him when he rhymed or said a quote from the book. Here he was definitely trying to communicate with more than just rhymes or by always having a quote handy. Was he trying to draw a certain type of attention? Was he, so far, succeeding in his goal of drawing that certain type of attention?

His thought process was interrupted by scissors. He panicked for a brief second before remembering that Jervis was here, making sure that he will live for yet another day.

“There!” he said with a satisfactory grin. “Please do a bunk for the next couple of days before doing whatever you were trying to do earlier!”

Edward groaned, realizing that he had to endure this for a couple more days at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of what Jervis said:  
got the morbs: temporary melancholy  
buck against: to oppose violently  
bitch the pot: pour the tea  
(to) chapper: to drink  
chucked all of a heap: fascinated, ravishly overcome, mashed, enthralled  
circs: circumstances  
do a bunk: to retire with precaution


End file.
